Heath Ledger

It's strange how much stuff can happen in a week, particularly if that week is the space between your last exam and the start of your lectures, Heath Ledger dies, you have more boys in your life than fingers (two of which are stalking you) and you spend three consecutive nights on the piss. Everything is going too fast at the moment, I need to slow down and get my head back into books and regular sleeping and eating patterns or I'm gonna burn out and fuck up.
It's so exiting though, living so decadently, not giving a fuck and generally being bad. I've been such a nice wholesome girl my whole life and I'm so sick of it.

I think that my crisis can be best explained by a woman who Orson Wells once described as 'the most exiting woman in the world'



I'm so sick of nicey nice nice sickly, small talky chit chatty middle class nicey niceness and most certainly don't want anyone like that to be stalking me.
I want to do something with my life, and that wont happen if I fall into the trappings of just being a nice girl, nice girls are boring! The only reason they are nice in the first place is because they are told to be and remain nice because they receive complements for being nice, it's a bit like those prostitutes who can't escape because their pimps made them addicted to a drug of some sort.
I feel trapped by niceness, I'm a rude, dirty bitch and I don't care if that doesn't get me a husband or whatever because he wouldn't take me seriously if I was submissive anyway. Don't nice girls ever get curious, don't they ever get wonderlust? Don't they ever want more? I different life, something different. I don't want to be a beauty queen or a trophy wife, I want to be an eccentric, I want to have depth and anger and mood swings, I want to swear and argue and for that to be ok.
I also want to love people, I do, but I want to keep them safe and look after them, I want to say the right things and give good advice. Be a good sister, daughter, friend, student etc.

I'm not complaining, my life is pretty sweet at the moment. I just feel like I'm changing and I want different things. I don't want a nice, polite, shy boy. I want someone witty and sharp and pissed off like me.
Screw the steady relationships and sensible haircuts
Shave my head and give me a terrace house full of punks any day, that's where I can really be myself.

...omg shoes




I am having serious doubts about my intelligence, I've watched this Eleven times today, Elelven! and I still find it funny, Harriet is getting bored of my constant impressions. she looks like she wants betchslap my shetbeg face everytime I mention it. I also left a pin on the floor that she stepped on, whoops!
I'm going to watch battle royale on youtube because I haven't seen it in years and then curl up in bed with a cup of tea and my Nick Hornby paper back.
Goodnight my devotchkas
(That's Russian for "Betch!")